“The most beautiful people we have known are those who
have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a
deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Elizabeth Kubler Ross

“Just say what you mean and mean what you say.
Don’t expect someone to read your mind and don’t play games with heads or hearts. Don’t tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out; half truths are no better then lies.
Don’t be cold to someone you care about; indifference hurts more than angry words.”

purple-easier said than done
blue-things im guilty off(pun intended on colour, it totally screwed me)
red-what have i done wrong to deserve this. 你这个臭大便。

avalanche

i tink departures had turned on the tap and forgotten to close it.
it triggered an avalanche of emotions within me.
the extra shot came in via command

i just hope my eyes wont swell tmr.

they should just open the fucking rooftop.
mr moon was really therapeutic at 5am.
thank you.

SOS: i need a hug, tight tight de.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

loving someone is so tiring and torturous
i tink i should just be a nun.
*ohm*

oxymoron

the happiest thing
i did today was to
cry till i choked on my tears
over
departures

KR Bazaar

we went to Mac for dinner and Cold Rock@ Holland V den Red Dot @ Damsey Road :)))

haha small pics for this entry! squint baby squint

the reader

yest night i stayed awake until 530am having a movie marathon.

i watched Detroit Metal City tgt with mei
den caught MNIKSS on tv while waiting for the reader to load.

MDC- No Music, No Dream
reminded me of my deviance module where in fact, the deviant are just a pitiful bunch who tries to be different involving in subculture to find themself a dream and an outlet for venting their frustrations. yea and the great happiness space, shinjuku boys popped out too.

CH suddenly asked to go for kopi session in the middle of the night but he was at nus and lazy to fetch me from east. haha. there goes my momentary palpitation.

The Reader- i tot i would fall asleep cuz i usually seyy after 2am but omg, this movie kept me totally awake and thinking. i really like this kind shows which keep u thinking and all these intense feeling makes u hold ur breathe and really FEEL for the characters. i really liked david kross's acting and theres so many scenes i wanna just gush abt. like the part when hannah scrubed him, and i loved the way he says,"its always me who has to apologise" i loved the way he stood still throughout the cleaning ritual and finally uncontrollably drew her head closer as she towelled him. i loved the scene where she mouthed him across the chest( i loved that the quivering sigh) i liked the fact that he deliberately planted a kiss on her when the waitress misunderstood that she was his mum. i like the man in that boy. and last but not least, i loved the last scene when the nazi regime survivor told michel to got to the cinema if he wanted catharsis. it was curt and cold but it nailed it like a needle piercing throught the veins to the heart.(theres so much more but i want to share it with someone instead of the com)

it reminde me of estha and rahel. like stacked spoon.
their union is something very profound, not just carnal.
i feel for michel cuz altho their affair lasted only a summer, it left an indelible mark in his entire life.

the tale with twists and turns/ It doesn't matter what I think. It doesn't matter what I feel. the dead are still dead/how wrong can you get/surprises /I'm not frightened. I'm not frightened of anything. The more I suffer, the more I love. Danger will only increase my love, will sharpen it, will give it spice. I will be the only angel you need. You will leave life even more beautiful than you entered it. Heaven will take you back and look at you and say: "Only one thing can make a soul complete and that thing is love."

im looking fwd to the revolutionary road by kate winslet and leonardo di carpio

i know its evil, but sometimes seeing how warpped and twisted other people's life are, u take comfort in that urs aint that bad afterall...( theres a psyschological term to it i rmb...hmm)

movies i wanna watch!!!

1. DEPARTURES!
2. Sunshine Cleaning (frenz who enjoyed Little Miss Sunshine will wanna watch this!)
3. Revoluntionary Road (Leonardo and Kate Winslet, pls check out the trailer at youtube! love the emotions!)

for pure laughter,
4. Handsome Suit
5. Detroit Metal City
6. Shopaholic

2 and 3 looks really promising. after missing The Reader, i really wanna catch Revolutionary Road, pls dun be R21....

i know we're on this one way street

just you and i.

SMILE cuz.

i freaking finish the freaking 3101 which i freaking anyhow do.FREAK (frivatives...)
yuny drove me for dinner:)
qing baked 爱心brownie:)
i decided to get over u. u ingrateful imbecil.

i suddenly feel like reciting Thomas Hardy's
"He Abjures Love" and "Shut Out That Moon"

i shouldnt have tried preparing for 3101. its depressing.

Anyway, theres a movie called THE GREAT HAPPINESS SPACE (the irony!)
(abt Jap host guys deluding female customers. The adonis sells "dreams" to women, making them feel in love, feel like a princess). Put it across blunty, they are male prostitutes that try to satisfy customers without engaging in sex. Women fall head over heels over them spluging exorbidant amounts each night over these host guys that continue to charm them.

twist is, 80% of the customers there are in fact sex workers.

its pure anguish to see these women trapped in their vicious cycle. They do more sex work to splurge their money on these hosts to seek that momentary magical moment.

thing is, all of them know that they are just deceiving one another. (host knows customers dun love them, customers know host are plain liers) yet they still continue to live in this make belief world.

literally drowning themselves in a pack of lies.

makes me wonder... is it really better to live a lie?

then there is SHINJUKI BOYS
3 females working in New Marilyn Club, dressing up as men to serve female customers.

1."you like that im mean to you isn't it. it makes you pull yourself tgt"- the player
2. Tatsu injects male hormones and has a girlfriend
3. a lesbian that is together with a tranversite. (so its a guy with a girl, but the guy is a girl and the girl is a guy)
confused? nvm, i can explain to u if u are interested.

haiz... im confused la.
why the world so complicated.

i wish...
Tuesdays were with Morris instead of LWT
double dosage per day
is a lethal concoction.

let me go home

so this time round.

is it loneliness or emptiness?

*shrugs*

damnit.

SMILE!

30 days

"And, putting his hand on mine,
with a cheerful glance from which i drew strength,
he introduced me into the secret things"
Dante (Inferno 3.19-21)
*
World wise double enendres that induce our hesitant laughter, silent confusion, and nervously feigned sophistication all to testitfy to a decided uncertainty and lack of knowledge regarding ____.
*
the truth is ___is not something innate, something we instinctively know, it is something we learn about, sometimes slowly, sometimes painfully, as we grow to adulthood.

technology

the wretched phone.
smash it
*&&^$**#&(*

stupid samsung service centre.
lucky got momo to calm me down.

body shop cherry blossoms lotion smells nice:)))
i wanna go shopping! movie! ahhhhh.

i am a computer genius.
*xiaoting 真聪明*

when there is nobody to depend on,

dun worry, dun panic

there is still

yourself

believe in yourself,

you can do things

you

never

thought you could

i wish time could fast forward to april 29th.

wishlist: bike, camera, penthouse

:(sunset view is limited and obstructed in hdb:(

sleeping beauty

i like to look at sunsets because its a time where all your troubles sets along with the sun. and u nv know wad beautiful colours awaits you:) that day, it was a simple red and blue combi.

i was SO happy to see this selling at central forum! :D

i tot this year's block supper was quite thought invoking. it was quite an interesting experience to be in a block meeting (for the first time in this year, since as seniors we had the perogative to pon most of the stupid waste-time meetings) and also it was the last for i wont be staying anymore. its amazing to see how the guys cheer the pageants contestents to run for it by drowning their responses with a overpowering YEAAAAAAA. i tink i am sad to leave hall and these days it became pretty apparent to me my days in hall are numbered. haha, sounds pretty morbid.

yet again, things are constantly changing, i still rmb in year one when there are the 7th floor giants like ron, yz, wilson... den there was 4th floor robin, benny and jiemin. i tot they were the nicer seniors but one year has passed without them around too. time flies...

anyway, a BIG THANK YOU to val for sending me home and cheering me up with imprompto pukka and supper:D i really enjoyed the chat in ur car and really feel lucky to have u as a fren:)

would you rather enjoy the pusuit of someone who you dont have feeling for or fight for your own love which seems to be a one sided affair?

LIVE*LOVE*LAUGH

it suddenly dawned on me how important these 3 words are.

Optimisim is really really very important.

(when u declare to the world u are emo,
most ppl( those passing faces with a plastic mask) will get shrug and dismiss it off as " yet another emo kia".
maybe, with the slightest chance u might get tiny surprises from unexpected concern that really makes your day by cheering you up.
But, unfortunately, such incidences are really rare.
Most of the time, people are really passive. They might feel a little but they just keep it to themselves.)

- this para sounds emo and angsty but since this is only for ppl who care abt me, i'll share my thoughts. haha. i really really hope to be proven wrong tho. having said that, i will still continue to love my chinese emo song lyrics:P

anyway, paiseh i digressed.

SO,( the main point is)

i have decided that i wanna be HAPPY.
cuz when u are Happy,
it is contagious.
"smile and the whole world smiles along":D
i tink it is true
especially when it is a genuine smile that comes from the bottom of your heart:)
i think Smiles have the power to warm hearts.
even to send some beating faster :P

and u never know,
who is falling in love with that smile of yours.

So my dear friends reading this, SMILE :D *wink wink*

THANK YOU

(for reading, i know u care tho i might not know who u are. hoho)

SORRY

( that i dono who u r, and if i made u worry) (do u?haha)

& last but not least

I LOVE YOU

( becuz u read my blog=u care:D ) u love me-> i love u. lol

(((: “小眼睛 不要放弃 眼睛小也有它的魅力”:)))

picassa rocks!

omg! i just discovered that i do NOT have to manually shift and resize the pics for college! YAY. later we're going to PUKKA again. it better be open man.we were damn sad the last time we went at 2.06am and it was CLOSED:((( wahaha, sorry i am a NARCISIST. note to self: 小姐， ur supposed to be doing ur essay not taking ur pic and making colleges. lol.

after this 2 weeks i wanna go OUT.
i wanna

SING K

cut hair

watch departures

pedicure

eat good food

read my shakespeare book

catch up with some dear friends

and visit Caramel again!:)

O, u made my day with that quote:)
thanks.

inspired

i saw this on a friend's blog and it made me smile.
hope it made u smile too:)

“People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you’re successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you might get hurt. Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.”-Mother Teresa

crimson caramel rainbow

i realise... when u have alr told someone wad u wanted to say in the blog... updating the blog seems redundant!

haha. but anw, for those who care to read my blog... here it goes.

ZHU'S 21ST

part 1: Ma Maison

nice place nice ambience nice waitress nice food nice tablecloth nice neighbours("cute" jap uncles. hoho)

love this shot! mab, im sure u share similar sentiments rite:)
i cant believe i rushed the night before just to leave it in hall and realise it on the bus ride there! mab,u good, still say got premonition i will forget( den NV remind me!) lol.

zhu looked like a korean star when i saw here walking twds me! haha.love that hair!:D

oya! we all tried the Fasio Mascara thingy! quite fun! the mascara is not bad, i love the curved brush, but the pencil eyeliner not that fantastic. i still prefer my old one.

part 2: CARAMEL

despite asking for directions on how to go to shaw towers, it was zhu who was the road savvy and led us there. haha. i realise im qt a daredevil when it comes to jaywalking. (does it have to do with the fact that im a jay fan? *冷* hoho)

this pic looks like some photoshoot where mab is the interviewer while zhu is the ming xing rite?! haha

I REALLY REALLY LOVE ADORE 爱死你 all the yummy cupcakes! its not like those cui ones , these are filled with flavour that burst in ur mouth and linger on. the strawberry cream has a hint of strawberry short cake and that little layer of cream matches perfectly with the rest of the cupcake and i assure u the flavour is something u will want more More MORE after the first bite. ahhhh.. i wanna go back there!

the real brew of dark dark chocolate is also HEAVENLY!

this is a perfect tea party menu:)

这路程中，因你而加倍的感动 :)

mab u good, i have to expose my pimple side face cuz u insist on ur photogenic spot. LOL. joking la

our lovely swan section:))) i could just nua there for the whole day.

then on sunday i took a strool down MEMORY LANE. dug up my treasure box and look what i've found

GC if you're reading this. THANK YOU:)

my dhs days flashed across me...

waves of nostalgia crashed upon the shore

tsunamis of emotions stir up within...

i didn't have the courage to open the other box which contained memories of him...:(

and the day before...

i saw the most beautiful sunset cum rainbow. i witnessed the entire wholesome rainbow arc, stood there watching with dad till it disappeared.

it was beautiful.

i wonder how many hearts melted along with mine.

i must credit momo for this. i like that the focus was the rainbow and the buildings just made out a little corner of the pic...

i really like this photo... but i cant seem to find the right words to describe how im feeling.

"sometimes technology fails for a reason"

i tink hong hit the jackpot after i mentioned to her that my hp was dead and how frustrated i was to realise i couldn't capture this sight with my hp.

i rushed upstairs, telling papa and mei to rush out to watch the rainbow.oh hindsight, i tink it was great that my hp was flat. if not, i would be stuck downstairs alone and appreciating it myself. if not,i wouldn't be able to share this wonderful moment with my loved ones. making it extra extra special and bursting into a supernova of blissful ball of fuzz.

love just came in a form of chicken wing that is extra oily by neigbour Clara Fu. its message is to JIAYOU. :D

rainbow & caramel

feeling very blissful and surreal right now...

as i walked home after a day of celebration for zhu's 21st,
i was rejuvenated upon the beautiful sight of that rainbow:))

it seems to be telling me:
things will only get better from now onwards

picture update when i go back to hall.
(u wont wanna miss out on this)

"the colour of blue reminds me of you..."

HAPPY 21ST ZHU BAOBEI:)
u look like a korean star today. *pweet pweet*
a thousand apologies for leaving the card and gift in hall:(

All my instincts have failed me for once

呼吸 呼吸沒有你的空氣
夜沒有模糊我自己
和你分離 讓我更清醒
我輕輕呼吸 呼吸這冰冷的空氣
昨天在泪眼中远去
有過溫柔 我會記得你

照片中依然有那天陽光裡的溫度
手心還握著淡淡的幸褔
那快樂太清楚
才襯出現在的孤獨
不能擁有全部
只擁有回憶
是受苦還是禮物

呼吸 我需要多一點空氣
思念幾乎讓人窒息
沉溺漆黑無聲的海底
我不能呼吸 我需要多一點勇氣
畢竟真心難以忘記

我和寂寞 越來越熟悉
說一句再見是那麼容易
多久才能填滿這冷清
別離的苦 苦在回憶裡還有甜蜜

我慢慢呼吸 呼吸這冰冷的空氣
昨天在眷握六極
有過溫柔 我會記得你
走出了這一場迷霧
陽光還有溫度
每一場離別 當時都倉促
是距離讓人領悟

呼吸 我需要多一點空氣
思念幾乎讓人窒息
沉溺漆黑無聲的海底
說一句再見是那麼容易
多久才能填滿這冷清
別離的苦 苦在回憶裡還有甜蜜

我慢慢呼吸 呼吸沒有你的空氣
夜沒有模糊我自己 和你分離
讓我更清醒

我輕輕呼吸 呼吸這冰冷的空氣
昨天在淚眼中遠去 有過溫柔
回首這風雨
微笑竟然是我 最常想起的表情

a long forgotten nice song.
sometimes i wonder if it was better if we nv began.
but no i think this is what makes life worth living.

indeed i am the one who is lost in her own world.
who will guide me out?
*
elephants by rachael yamagata
highly reccomended for if u feel
life is fleeting by and you need a slower pace of life
caution! highly emo contents

H said" i would have cried if i was alone"
i already did, my dear.

"And how dare that you send me that card when I am doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you"

我。。。喜欢你

暗恋，喜欢一个人好累
你。。。可以给我一个机会吗？

预感- Eason
爱你变习惯 不再稀罕
我们该冷静谈一谈
你说你喜欢 一点点浪漫
却把跟随我的脚步 放慢
没有你分享分担我的快乐悲伤
心情天天 天天纷乱
我一再试探 你一再隐瞒
是谁改变爱情原来的模样

有一种预感 爱就要离岸
所有回忆却慢慢碎成片断
不能尽欢 爱总是苦短
我只想要你最后的答案

有一种预感 想挽回太难
对你还有无可救药的期盼
我坐立难安 望眼欲穿
我会永远守在灯火阑珊的地方

this song tugs at my heartstring...
我超级超级想唱K.... eason, gary,amei,stef sun all emo songs...

Ted Baker & Kate Spade tgt @ River Island :D

anw, im super PROUD of ZHU.
i saw her shine during Amplitude as an amazing conductor:)
seeing the smile on her face as she conduct, i felt so proud of her
it was really nice and cute performance from all of them
i suddenly wished that i was performing tgt with them.
i kinda miss those days on stage....

oya mab, i tink we did a marvellous job today:D
thanks for popping by and listening yest night.
feel really loved:)

PS: anyone wanna pei me watch Departures? ( jap movie. a beautiful and poignant portrayal of death. majestic music.)

i hope (s)he who closed the door will one day open his and appear in front of mine

what are you most afraid of?

i took the test and it was

losing someone

i thought that being alone/being left out/out of the loop/engaging in monologues and soliloquays was equally bad too?

how abt when u regarded this fren as THIS impt but to that fren u are just a random tom/dick/harry.

how abt u receive cold short replies that seem so curt and formal that u'd rather there was no reply

at times like this... u'll be uber happy to get the lucky sweet with gold (lucky bren!)
buying stuff like these makes me happy:) artificial joy that temporarily masks transport me to a make belief world. magical realism? haha
thank god there are still things that will make me smile

入戏-曹格

最后 你转身离去

闪过 一丝犹豫

一镜到底 像拍好的剧情

埋下伏笔 未完待续

是我 一直太入戏

彻底 为你著迷

安安静静 有一千种表情

看不清也不想看清

铺天盖地 是你完美演技

一句抱歉 说得煽情

坏人我做就可以

若即若离 是你完美演技

哪里热闹往哪里去

都随你

若及若离 是你完美演技

哪里热闹往哪里去

都随你

都随你

都随你

(yet to be) 21

nus open house.

woke up at 645am and become trolley woman( actually its qt fun to push a trolley down slope. haha)

Jocelyn's 21st

& my hot date

with 2 guys.

spent the afternoon with jx. i tink i have a bad repuation of being late with my czps frenz. haha. anw, it was quite a horrendous experience at suntec due to the IT fair. OMG,the crowd was really really bad. i seriously dun wanna die in a mob. Thankfully after we finally managed to squeeze up the stairs. he asked the best question of the century, "wanna give up?" which i gave an instant YES!". anw i found it really amazing that he actually shops with his ah ma and mama. good boy. thankfully raffles city got some very cute and interesting shop and omg i love that art exhibition. and i love kate spade! omg, i wanna marry a golden tortoise. and hmm... abit weird cuz its my first time out with guy alone,den suay suay bump into quite a number of his army frenz den i abit awkward. and haha, on the way back to simei bumped into mummy also! so qiao. (PS. in case my dear frenz get too excited to me, he is not my bf, just a primary school classmate! haha)
the 2 guy representatives of czps frenz
gc, love this photo with u:) thanks for being my listening ear:D (ps. he is not my bf too. heh)
haha, so lucky she liked the gift:D her fav brand. *how lucky can we get*

she got a humongous bear from her frenz. i think everyone violated her bear alr. lol

jx looks drunk tho it was gc who drank. lol .

anw, i tink jocelyn is very xinfu girl. in her party,her ah gong ah ma, papa mama and didi were there. 美满的家庭。

my party(if i have one) will be missing my ah gong and ah ma.

i do not wish to miss anyone else out already :(

dung!

希望，我也会有属于我的天

(check out the flying mop and wonderbra, it belongs to the neighbour above me)

i will miss watching sunsets at the kr rooftop. and also my sot wingers.

soon i will become a 煮饭婆 at home.

the hard cardboard koped at rovers come to good use. hee

i love my muscular and tan 小腿in this pic. muahaha. i wanna go back to the mountains!!!:((( haiz

my crazy neighbour. looks like the sweet wrapper char aye. :P

the ultra comfortable shoe, with a ultra price. (zara should thank me for putting their shoe in an artistic manner. hoho)

i am very biased. berke has me=more photos & effort. sorry la, lumbong dun have much photos lei.

i love this sweet:D

i hope my life will get sweeter.

ps. thank you min for the sweets on my crucial day. really really appreciated it:) *hugs*